Ugh..., caffeine headache + histology = dumb

However, I won $50 bucks off my lab group (and a couple of other friends) last night via poker. That's what they get for thinkin' a homo can't play cards.

35% of our class is basically failing at least one of our two classes at this point. At least I'm not... close, but not.

Head and Neck Anatomy = The Lose
Thorax and Abdominal Anatomy = The Win

 I freaking love medical school. I am a freak.
But holy shit, there is a limitless amount of knowledge to learn. I'm not exaggerating either.
Every day I wake up and am seriously excited about the day to come. Even if I know the classes are going to be boring, I'm still psyched up. I think a fair amount of it is that it's just because it's a new experience.
Speaking of which, I get to interact with patients for the first time tomorrow. :) They've already been seen by a physician and we're going in after them and trying to figure it out for ourselves. We're just going through and diagnosing different nerve lesions and resulting paralysis of the muscles of the shoulder, arm, forearm, and hand. But still, it's sweet as hell.
And anatomy lab is pretty much my new favorite thing (excluding you all). Sounds creepy I know.
Anywho, it's time for the walk home now.
Peace.

 Leaving sucks.

 I've been thinking so much lately. Knowing me.. probably too much.

I've gone from a pre-med undergrad to a medical student. The difference in people's reactions to me is absolutely astounding; I had no idea. I'm told how honorable my path is and how great I must be as a person (not good for my ego btw). There is so much expected of me and I know almost nothing. Everyone I meet expects me to know so much. How am I supposed to live up to their expectations? What makes me so much wiser than the applicants who didn't get in (many of whom would make amazing physicians)? It makes me very nervous. If this is how bad it is now, how overwhelmed will I be when I actually have that MD after my name? It just seems like the average person doesn't realize that I'm only 21 and that I'm a typical 21-year old. All of their traditional assumptions are trumped by me saying I'm starting med school. Maybe I'm just too comfortable in those old assumptions. I know I can fill those roles, I'm just unsure if I can fill these new ones. Apparently a fair amount of people think I can. I have no idea why.
I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who's nervous. We'll be so trusted and given so much responsibility right from the start. I think I can do it... but there's a part of me that's really unsure. I think you'd have to be neurotic not to be at least a little uneasy. Orientation starts in a month and a week or two after that, we'll be doing dissections. The catch is, you've got a person on that table... at least we can't kill them. Maybe I'm thinking about it in the wrong way. Maybe it's not a person. I don't know.
I'll be being trained to take care of people and in some cases later on, if I make the wrong call, I'll kill someone. How's that for weight on your shoulders? You don't have to get 100% on your tests and later, your boards. One of those wrong answers could be a person's death... and trust me, everyone gets some of those questions wrong. People expect physicians to be perfect and that's just not possible. I think the point is just to be as right as often as possible.
I think this is going to be fun though. Hopefully.

I am entering hour number 24 that I have spent studying in the library for my anatomy final since Tuesday.
My final's at 5:45 tonight, which means I'll end up putting in about 30 hours in three days for the goddamn thing.

It'll all be over tonight which is good 'cause I need some freakin' sleep.

 This Weekend:
1) Write ISS paper
2) Study for Epidemiology
3) Study for Criminal Justice

Monday:
1) Turn in paper (that's due on Friday, I am such an overachiever)
2) 12:45 - Epidemiology/Public Health Final
3) 3:00 - Criminal Justice Final
4) Start studying for Anatomy

Tuesday/Wednesday:
1) Study for Anatomy
2) Work

Thursday:
1) Pay Rent
2) Study for Anatomy
3) 5:45 - Anatomy Final

Friday:
1) Work?
2) MSU wide Commencement

Saturday:
GRADUATION